She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
