I could have mohawked her pubes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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