Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
