Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this boner is exhausting
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
