The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
