I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
