im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
