I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cockslap morals
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
