one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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