Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
