I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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