Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
