I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
