you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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