therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
