He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
