Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
