hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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