the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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