I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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