Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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