I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
