it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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