I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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