i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
