I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
whose parrot is this?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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