I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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