Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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