I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dick very happy bro
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
