I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
