see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
