sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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