Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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