This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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