just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
