Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
