Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
