Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
