maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
