ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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