I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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