Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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