I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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