i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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