the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
