got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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