I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
