You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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