ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
