You just made me feel so damn special
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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